Not Dead….Really

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, but real life has been sucking down my attention with a vengeance.  Work has been particularly busy and then my evenings and weekend have been consumed doing various kid related things and stuff that HAD to be done around the house.

The other particular things why I wasn’t writing is I have been going through a bit of deep hit of negativity around work lately.  So I did draft a few posts but most of them came out so negative and occasionally whinny about working that I couldn’t bring myself to hit the publish button.  It would have been like feeding you guys a steady diet of battery acid for posts.  Perhaps later I’ll clean them up and publish them, but for now they are going to spend some time in limbo.

That is perhaps the unstated risk of pursuing financial independence.  While having more money means you can put up with less bullshit at work, it also has the side effect it becomes easier to become disconnected from it as well.  So in my case, I got so disconnected that one day I realized I could have cheerfully piled up all the paper on my desk, toss on my laptop and cell phone and burned the entire mess.  Yes I was that apathetic about my job.

Actually it was so bad that one point I was seriously entertaining applying for a job with WAY less pay and worse hours just to have the novelty of doing something that I might enjoy.  I had gone so far to actually put together a resume and cover letter and in a moment of self reflection realized that I was just trying to run away from my current job situation…it wasn’t going to solve any long term issues.  Just trading one set of issues for another set so I didn’t put in the application.

Yet today is the start of a lovely five day weekend for me.  So I finally have some time to think about things and realize that I just need to put some energy into something that I can enjoy.  So I’m planning on expanding my wine making hobby to also include beer brewing.  I’ll likely write up a post on the process later on in the spring or summer.

So now that I’m back…any particular topics you want to hear about?  I’m taking requests.

9 thoughts on “Not Dead….Really”

  1. Tim your timing is phenomenal. Those exact actions have occurred in the last week for me as well. My bullshit meter is full and I have been calculating how long I could go without needing a paycheck from anyone, then it was was how long could I go with a paycheck that was from an employer where I truly enjoyed myself. I swear it is something in the spring air, the moon’s cycle, or maybe where we are currently in our career cycle. All I can say is you are not alone my friend. I almost had a moment of weakness where I was severely contemplating some retail therapy to rid me of these feelings. Then I calmed down and looked at it differently. I have choices. That is a luxury that some don’t have. Why do I have this luxury? Because I have a job that pays well enough that I don’t have to worry about paying my bills and saving a large sum after. I saw this as short term pain for long term gain. This to shall pass. I let out long breath and hugged my wife and kids and told them I loved them. It was temporarily let go and that was enough for me. When I returned to work it made me question if I expect too much of myself and is the problem actually my job or is it my sense of self? Taking up the art of forgiving and forgetting might help. Thanks for writing this. It made me feel not so alone in my struggles.

  2. Hi Tim;

    I keep this in front of me to contemplate on every now an dthen
    “It is better to like what you have than to have what you like”

    SOmetimes we have to step back from what we are doing to really see if we are all that bad off. It is human nature to find fault in things we do. We jsut need to get on improving them, hopefully, in place of complainign about them and trowing our hands up in the air.
    I am at that point as well but I am going to retire soon so it does not bother me anymore.

    Take care, enjoy life and eat chocolate on Sunday


  3. @Devin – Well it is good to hear that I’m not the only one with those issues. Thanks for sharing. It’s good to see how you handled it.

    @Jim – Ah, good article. It brings up a good point. I’ve started a draft post on it already.

    @Ricardo – Eat chocolate…good advice. It’s amazing how just doing normal things with the family can help you feel better.

    Thanks everyone,

  4. There really must be something in the air. I took the week off for Easter break with the family. Today I logged into my work computer to get a couple more numbers to finish my taxes (and send a record home). Bam! I allowed myself to be struck by some emails I received while I was away. Wow! I really need to back my head out of the feelings I had.

    I’ve been allowing work to impact me over the last couple weeks. And my work has good hours, great pay which moves me to early retirement in a couple years…yet I too was feeling the itch to say &%$# it and do something else. Sometimes I jump to a solution that I need change because it’s the longest I have worked for one employer. I have worked at this employer for over 9 years and my early career was constantly in flux with stints as short as 6 months.

    So after reading this post my plan is to get back into focusing on myself (my routine changed this past week – and it only needed 20 minutes of my time). Work tends to work out regardless of how I feel about it – good, bad, or indifferent.

    Thanks for this amazingly honest post.

  5. Hey Tim,
    Wow, this really resonates with me! I’ve decided to throw in the corporate towel (for now) this week. I’m done with forcing myself to do something I really don’t want to, and the stress is exacting its toll on me both mentally and physically. No more. I’m not quite as financially independent as I’d prefer to be, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out. As for blog subjects, it would be interesting to discuss when enough is enough as I find myself just wanting that ‘bit extra’ for security’s sake and I suspect I’m in the majority with that line of thinking…

  6. The timing of this article couldn’t be better. I took about 2 weeks off and told my boss that I have been considering not renewing my contract (expires in June) and that I would take the Easter break to think it over. So my wife and I went over the numbers and thought really, really hard about it and weighed the pros and cons and eventually came to the decision that I will be leaving my current job. I just told my boss this morning and it was a weight off my shoulders. We’re still about $150k short of my ideal nest egg size but like Rick said above, I’m sure I’ll figure it out.

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