So if you have noticed a bit of an increase to the happiness theme of the blog lately you can firmly blame me for reading Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. The book isn’t on how to be happy, but rather on why people are so bad at predicting what will make them happy. Which when you think about it is almost more useful.
Now I will warn you the book is a touch heavy in spots for content. My reading rate noticeably slowed while reading this book to let my mind suck up all the interesting fact and ideas he presented. I can’t possibly summarize the entire book here because there was so many fascinating concepts he explored. So instead I’ll point out a few of my favorite ideas.
This is the book that spawned my post on relative money. Basically he explored the fact we don’t think in absolute dollars but rather relative ones. So $50 should always be $50, but we always end up comparing it to what we are buying. So hence people are a lot more relaxed about spending an extra $2000 on a house than a car or even a new TV. The higher the cost of the item the more tolerant we are likely to be to spending more money on something.
Another interesting idea Daniel explores is how we tend to compare the present to the past rather than the present to what is possible. We have a internal bias towards keeping things familiar so they is why it is often hard to clearly imagine living a different life than the one you are living. We tend to focus on what we would like to see rather than what practically would happen. Hence to us we think the grass really is always greener on the other side of the fence regardless of the fact if we raised our heads a bit we would see the grass over there is actually brown.
Perhaps the most interesting concept he explored was the fact major blows to your mental well being are easier to deal with than minor one. Your brain basically has an ‘immune system’ for dealing with negative things in your life. You justify and alter your perceptions to cope with the major situation. For example, if you were stood up at your wedding by the bride. You would feel bad, but then ask questions to your mom like “She was never right for me, right mom?”. We fish for what we want to hear to help us out. Yet when we feel a little off one day we don’t do the same thing. So in the case of your mind a death of a thousand paper cuts really is worse than a knife to the belly.
So what does all this mean? Well in practical sense there are two main myths that are really false.
- More money makes you happy. Well yes from $10,000/year to $50,000 is a good jump, but after that it just falls apart. $250,000/year isn’t significantly more happy than $50,000. There is lot of research to back this up. Adding excess money to your life doesn’t increase happiness you just get bigger piles of coloured paper or bank accounts with more digits.
- Children makes us happy. No realistically children are a LOT of hard work and studies have shown that that when they leave the nest your happiness typically goes up. Now here’s the fun bit, after the kids leave your happiness goes back to where you were before you had kids. So logically kids don’t make us happy, but we colour our memory to keep this myth going. Let’s face it, you don’t remember each diaper you changed or how many times your kids were sick this year, but you do recall playing with them at the park last week and how much fun that was.
So in the end I highly recommend this book for reading. It will really open your mind to what you are doing in your life to make you happy. So if you read the book, what did you think? If not, what did you think of the myths?